A friend once told me that she feels I’m afraid. She didn’t say of what, just that I’m afraid.
And after a year of it silently ringing in the back of my head, I finally get what she meant.
I didn’t feel that way of myself at the time. I thought I was take big risks and doing the things I thought I should. And although I was in some ways, she still wasn’t wrong.
Like that small child, I was still afraid of getting things wrong and being punished for it.
I was still afraid of getting things right and not having the discipline or focus to keep them up.
I was afraid of not really belonging or not really being loved truly. I was afraid that I didn’t deserve the things I wished for even when I was seeing myself in places I only once saw in movies.
Even with my reality beginning to reflect my dreams, I was still afraid, as if the evidence before me wasn’t enough to convince me that I was worthy of them.
That’s it really. The fear of unworthiness.
Some of us experience this feeling more than others, and some of us not at all.
Some of us over compensate for a feeling of inner lack, breeding the narcissist, while others shy away into their vessels, never allowing their true inner light to shine as bright as it was born to.
In truth, both are a curse which can be broken. No matter when we began to embody this fear as our own identity, what we decide to with this fear once we become aware of it is what matters.
I’m not saying all fear will be gone…
But I am saying that there is a way out, a way through, and a way forward.
We don’t always see how our fear-based programming is running our lives. How it’s keeping us from coming into our full essence and power. How it’s, in some instances, sabotaging our progress, relations, etc. rather than protecting us.
And if you ask me, dimming our lights, like I have (even though it seeps out as it can’t be contained) is more damaging for the collective than anything else.
What service do you provide to anyone by denying your soul the right to express it’s true expansive nature? None.
How does it help to embody the energy of unworthiness so to keep the gifts divinely special to you tucked away for no one to experience them? It doesn’t.
I felt sometime ago that I was dishonoring the God essence within me by not being and living my most authentic truth, by not using my gifts for the purposes they were created for.
I can sit here and act is if I lack gifts, purpose or direction, but in truth, I’m don’t.
Even if all I see is one step forward, I do know where to go next. Even if for a day or three or seven I feel cluttered and confused, once I slow down enough to let the dust settle, I know next to come.
But you see, that’s the key…
When we give ourselves the chance to commune and union with the God-Self within, we’re never actually lost. Nor are we worthless, nor undeserving of the very things the divinity of our souls are aligning us with.
If you can see it, you can be it, you can have it, you can create it. If you can feel it, it’s already here waiting for you to grab it.
In a time when SO much is happening, when hearts, minds and souls are awakening to the oppressive energies that be, when people are yearning for (r)evolution and community, it’s time more than ever before to step out of the fearful self.
At first, you’ll have to convince yourself to do the thing scared.
Take a deep breath and ask the question, start the business, place the boundary, stop the thing, leave that person/group, ask questions, go after that job, try that activity, make a new friend…
Just simply literally get a grip and do the thing.
Sure, you’ve been hurt before so your ego is trying to protect you. But do you have this excited or scared feeling that that thing you want to do would be good for you? Great, so do it.
As complicated as life can be, it’s actually not that complicated. Complex? Yes. Complicated? No.
Even when we stare at the intricacies of a flower petal…
We see its immaculate design but we don’t see it as complicated or as something to be solved. We see it as magical, as beautiful, as natural, as true.
You’re no different. Your life, your worth, what you deserve, your gifts… all the same.
Complex? Maybe. Complicated? No.
Once we give ourselves the space to let the dust settle and see things clearly for what they are can we begin to allow the magic of our gifts to create things for what for they can be.
- Want to change the world? Do it.
- What to stop a villainous presidential candidate from taking the seat? Team up and do it.
- Want to start a new project that will stop pollution from entering our rivers and seas? Do it.
- Want to unravel the mysteries of the multiverse universe? Figure it out.
Yes, the physical environments can get in the way at times. Yet, the power of your inner landscape, your soul, your will, the God-Self within can usurp physical barriers and the fear of complication.
Start with this practice…
Ask yourself:
- What part of myself am I afraid of?
- What am I willing to do today to face that fear?
- What do I need?
- How am I willing to show up for myself today?
Answer one or all of these questions each day, notice the patterns, and believe that it’s possible for you to do the thing that feels right.
Know that you are worthy of your light shining brigher. Repeat this thought, then see what unravels from there.
I deserve, you deserve, we all deserve to experience the magic of your gifts while we’re all still able to give it.
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EcoWell Co. 