I was told recently that I should check myself for having a rebellious spirit.
Why go against the grain when the path laid out for me made it easy to just fall in line, get mine, then die?
In fact, I tried this for a few years… to do the thing that I was told: to fall in line, get mine, then die. But each time I tried, I was the one dying inside.
It was like the light of my soul was being sucked out, waiting for me to realize that this guise just simply wasn’t for me.
The mask was breaking a part, finally calling for me to detach from this clouded fear of judgment that kept me small, and to instead, accept myself and do what I knew to be deeply, justly right.
When the spirit is close to death, it will awaken the body in some way: scorch it in flames, make your only choice but to lay coiling in aches that only undying stress would be to blame. This is the stress of ignoring the self to do the pre-described “right” thing that looks back at you as if were crazy for blaming it for your groans and pains.
It’s then you find yourself having to make a choice — a commitment to yourself; a devotion to the path that was intimately crafted for you, that’s been asking, begging for your acknowledgment and allegiance.
Even if that means being judged, living unconventionally, being demonized for you’re rebellious tendencies (that question everything), or being pushed away, the higher calling set before you deserves to see every bit of the light of day and the darkness of night.
Arguably, you own it to God, your body, your spirit and the Earth to feed your truest rebel, which is really just a mark of your truth unfolding.
Assimilation isn’t always right
Assimilation is often baited to us as if it’s the only right answer.
Yet, I must ask, the rebel spirit rises up for why? An injustice done to the self, another being; the possibility that this “wrong” is soiling something sacred, more accurately “right”.
In thinking about this, I encourage you to reflect on the following:
- Who and what are you rebelling against? (if at all)
- What is the why behind your rebellion or rebellious energy? Are you willing to sit with this why even if you don’t like?
- In this rebellious spirit awakening, what parts of you are feeding it and what parts of you are trying to suppress it?
- How could you attempt to understand this feeling of rebellion and the why behind it more intimately?
- Can you allow this feeling to speak to you clearly so you can understand it’s will, power, purpose, and desire without an immediate rash ambition to act in immediacy or suppress it?
- What is your self-narrative as you get to know this energy (aka how do you speak to yourself)?
- Do you find this energy jarring, uncharacteristic of yourself, or aligned with a deeper inner knowing of yourself? And are you willing to allow these ideas to die in relation to what wants or needs to come alive?
Getting an idea of who you are now and who this energy may be calling you to be can conjure yet another uprising to well within the self: the version of you that does not want to change or commit to the thing you know to be right.
When the war rises within ourselves, we must consider if fighting is truly the answer or if there is another way. Are possibly integration of this energy, radical acceptance, or non-action until action is right better ideas?
There are obviously some things that are blazingly detestable.
I’m sure you can think of a few examples: killing, torture, rape, greed, distorted and unnecessary destruction, etc.
These things tend to bring out a sense of humanity and moral capture that reminds us why holding ourselves and each other accountable is so necessary.
Why accountability rooted in truth, being an authentic knowing of the self, can be the very force that helps us to shift realities in totality, and potentially even quickly.
These instances bring up a vital point of consideration: rebellion comes with an idea of advancement. Often, something is wrong, unjust, or ill-intentioned, typically pushed by the powers that be (even it is you onto yourself). Thus, it must be “corrected” (or shifted) to ensure a forward movement rooted in individual and/or collective benefit.
So in questioning rebellion, or getting to know it
Ask: how do I advance as a person if I’m using the rising tides of rebellion to push past the bounds of an ill-functioning or soul-sucking lifestyle, society, or status quo?
I look to the revolutionaries of the past and present, learning the whys behind their deeply rooted rebellious spirits. Pain, injustice, torment caused directly to them or their communities/nations often fueled their reasons. And mine are no different.
My desire to be a beacon of healing light among the beacons that already exist in the ways that call naturally to my soul is no call for shame or pain. (Although I often felt I would be shamed, and have been shamed, for diving into gifts and practices.)
But to be raised not long after generations who were direly and unjustly persecuted for serving as “healers” in their communities, it can make sense why the will to openly be a beacon would be dimmed by the fear of rejection and possibly expulsion from the community.
Yet, in the same breath, one cannot deny the blessings and deep pleasures that come with doing the effortless thing — the ordained gift of union, healing, rebirth, and reconstruction of the physical and material psyches.
So what are we left with? A devotion to courage, a devotion to self, a devotion to life keenly wrapped in the graces of passion, faith, and understanding that your calling needs.
We won’t always get the love, adoration, or validation that we crave so much from the people around us to do the thing we feel/know to be right. In fact, the ones closest to us may be the very ones that diminish us, usually rooted in their own fears, misunderstandings, or even jealousies.
However, that should never stop the marked path of truth. For even Yeshu and his followers were persecuted at every twist and turn, even when beaming with the infinite twang of light.
Rebellion does not always require destruction
But it does require an awakening and commitment to change and the very things that must be changed. Your commitment asks for your passion for life itself, not just the thing that ignited your rebellious flame.
It’s a commitment to the life and love of existence, the expansion of truth, the call for knowing the self in life and death, to willingly stand erect on the pillar that sparks life into souls.
This is what your work, love, relationships require: a commitment to truth (the whole truth and nothing but the truth) that guides each one of us back to our home of authenticity, where the soul resides, resting in deep ties with the All.
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