I didn’t always accept the ocean.
In fact, I’d been terrified of her for a very long time. Her might, her ability to take and give life so easily were enough to give me pause…fright even.
Playing in the waves were a thing of my past where a reckless brain, I once thought, would willfully throw themselves into dragging waves. So I spent my time searching for only calm waters, only places I felt I could even remotely feel at ease.
Soon I found myself, like times before, at a beach with rough waters—the currents pulling me 5 ways and the rip tide freely showing its face. At first, the same fear engulfed me. “I hate these types of beaches”, I proclaimed, believing I was right to only wish for calm waters, like all the times before.
A voice echoed back to me “I find this calm, too. It’s all calm, all parts of it.” I had a quick rebuttal. No way someone could find this calm. Either way, I knew it wasn’t for me.
Yet, after deeper thought and spending more time at this deathly beach, I saw the calm in it. I saw how the waves were not something to reject or even fear. Yes, reverence always, but not a rigidity that leads me to believe that the ocean is bad in some parts and good in others.
In this way, I was judging her. Judging her in all the ways I didn’t want to be judged by others. Judging her in all the ways I’d grown to despise and criticize.
“You’re so calm and collected”, only for that same person to scurry away when they realized I am walking tidal wave—filled with rough waters, calm beaches and storms that shake the core of life all in the same. And yet, all of these parts are all equally a part of me: to be loved, cherished, acknowledged, and accepted.
In fact, it always pained me when people changed their minds after learning that I’m human, too. That sometimes I experience panic attacks, make assumptions, have outbursts, get angry, hold a grudge, or be painfully sad.
It was like they could only stomach the cool, calm and collected beaches and couldn’t help but make a quick witted judgement when I was “too much” or no longer digestible to their taste.
When I realized I was the pinnacle of a judgmental person to the very ocean that sustains me, I realized I had to change.
Just like I was rejecting her and others me, I too was rejecting the totality of the ocean that is me. Her waves, her currents, pushes and pulls, nurseries and trenches. There was nothing to reject, but everything to accept in the fullest capacity allowed to be—infinite waters, infinite me all to live in a newfound inner harmony.
Now when one comes to perceive me as a cool breeze, I chuckle knowing of the tornadoes that exist as part of me. Calm yet mighty, capacity for destructive, world-ending power, life giving screams, and gentle nourishing ease.
This is the capacity of what it means to be human. Spirit in a fleshly body with many complexities. It is only right to be at harmony with the self, the ocean, the totality of what is and can be.
And for the first time ever, I realized I am not separate from the elements that make me. That I can learn them, attune to them, embrace them, collaborate with them, see them, and celebrate them.
That the more I see myself as a vital part of the ocean’s systems, the more I cannot hide the full complexity of what it means to be me. The more I must accept the rough waters equally to the calming nurseries—intentionally, unabashedly, radically accepting all the parts of me.
Inviting your reflections on water
Of course I have to leave a small bit for a collective practice as we reflect on water in relation to our own being-ness. So, I have some one-word journal prompts for you.
The instructions are simple: reflect on the prompted word. Consider what it means to you, feels like, smells like, tastes like (use ya 5 senses), how it’s shaped you (if at all) or influenced you, what you project on it, what elements of it do you project onto yourself/embody, any memories (joyful or not) it brings to mind, your overall relationship to it, etc.
Make it a poem, a picture, a recount of history, a memoir, future visions, fiction or non-fiction! Have fun with this and maybe try to fill up at least one-page in your journal.
As you can imagine, today’s one-word prompts will be water oriented. You can pick one or more, and share your reflection with me in the comments or via email as you please!
Here’s a few:
- Ocean
- Beach
- Tides
- Riptide
- Nursery
- Corals
- Reefs
- Shells
- Fish
- Whirlpool
- Shoreline
- Blue
- Currents
- Waves
- Tsunami
- Horizon
- Water
If you enjoyed this piece, let me know and share this with your community using the tools below.
EcoWell Co. 